SATIRE: Athens Drive favorite sub reveals long awaited hair care routine


Photos by Erin

Brain “Mr.Clean” Nunnaley shows off his luscious locks as he brings out a glorious hair flip.

Brian “Mr. Clean” Nunnally is a substitute at Athens Drive High School. He gets stopped in the halls every day by students about his hair. Nunnally’s hair is one of the school-wide mysteries at the Drive. His hair has been the topic of discussion since he started working at the drive back in 2021. 

“It’s the most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen. I’m going to try the routine tonight,” says Studious Macgee, junior at Athens Drive. 

Nunnally has graciously shared his routine with the Oracle. He likes to wake up in the morning and use his super expensive shampoo to keep his hair nice and fresh and clean. Then he uses his equally-as-costy conditioner to make sure his hair stays soft during the day. He also likes to use an expensive hair mask every three days. Nunnally also enjoys using shiny oil to put on his head to keep it nice and clean looking. 

Mr. Clean at the time of his high school graduation, when he was starting to grow out his hair.

“I like to feel the wind whip through my hair on a cloudy day when it’s really windy, and I like to have my locks go up and down as I shake it out like I’m in a movie,” said Nunnally. 

Nunnally has had these beautiful locks since he was 19 years old and continues to keep them nice by treating them with extra care each day. He also enjoys showing his hair off to many people, like his son who also goes to Athens Drive. 

“I’ve seen him walking around, and it’s just so inspiring to me to have my own hair care routine, but right now I’m going to tell everyone I know,” said Coach Shamalamadingdong, Quidditch Coach at Athens Drive. 

Nunnally has had this routine for a while now and is grateful to everyone inspired by these things. This routine will be spread around the school, and the world with how wonderful it is. His high-maintenance hair care has left the school speechless. This will soon be a world-renowned routine.