Recent college graduates excel in their positions after cheating in online classes


Jaden Tremelling, Entertainment Copy Editor

Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, colleges and universities have taken their education online. Cheating in classes has become rampant, especially on finals. This has led to the highest average grades ever, with nearly every student getting As in every class and making employers excited for the incoming graduates.
The pandemic has caused many busy hospitals to hire recent graduates as doctors even though they are underprepared. Patients have reported a spike in misdiagnosis in serious cases. Many serious injuries such as heart attacks and broken bones have been passed off as minor bruises and stomach aches in the last few months, leading to many deaths that would’ve been avoidable.
“When I was telling the doctor my symptoms, I saw him looking them up on WebMD using his phone! He said I had a common cold even though I was throwing up every five minutes,” said Jack Frost, freshmen.
Another field that has been impacted by these inexperienced college graduates is the legal field. Many lawyers have started representing clients before even learning what laws and rights people have. This has led to serious criminals walking away with no time and innocents receiving prolonged sentences.
“I managed to rob every store in the city and the prosecutor forgot what my case was even about,” said Santa Claus.
Many older, high ranking employees have retired to conserve their health causing vacancies in important positions, many of these spots have been filled by graduates that have been appointed with no experience. An example of this can be seen in the most valued company in the world, Amazon. Amazon recently had their CEO, Jeff Bezos, step down and was replaced by East Carolina University graduate, Chad Van Dinkle. Chad Van Dinkle was the president of his fraternity, Alpha Alpha Alpha, and Amazon believed he could bring that leadership to their company.
Van Dinkle has instead run the company into the ground, making every new employee go through hazing and requiring every delivery to be made while drunk. This has caused their competitors AliBaba and Ebay to leapfrog them in sales.
“Who cares about the sales, if you fire me I’ll make you talk to my father’s lawyers,” said Van Dinkle.
However, this has also caused problems for graduates that haven’t cheated in this past year. These graduates have had a hard time finding employment due to employers having a negative viewpoint on these recent graduates. These graduates are mad that the few that slacked off have ruined their reputation.
“I graduated as valedictorian from Harvard last year, yet McDonalds won’t even hire me as a cashier because they think I cheated my way through life,” said Ben Smartypants.