Trump announces mathematics to be a hoax, claims to swear by ‘Trumpematics’


Following the 2020 election, Nov. 3, Trump added mathematics to the growing list of realities he believes to be a hoax. Using his bruised ego as evidence, he prominently announced that the numerical system (0-9) used for counting votes was false and fraudulent. 

“Math, science and the press are the enemy of the people,” said President Trump from the magnificent parking lot of a landscaping business. “The election results?…I don’t think math knows, actually. I, Donald Trump, am your rightfully elected leader.”

While there is no evidence of voter fraud and Joe Biden surpassed Trump by 73 electoral votes, Trump clings to his assertion and revealed a new mathematical system he swears by: Trumpematics. The system rejects traditional numbers and instead only relies on three units of measurement—538, 0, and prepaid. 

“Traditional numerics are a socialist agenda proposed by the Democrats. They are trying to steal our democracy with their numbers,” said Trump. “I easily won all 538 electoral votes, there have been zero deaths from coronavirus, and I prepaid all of my income taxes. That is it.”

As of now, the majority of Republican lawmakers have remained quiet regarding this 2020 Trump tactic, but some social media activists—who are assumed to be under Trump’s Imperius Curse—are lauding the current president. 

“Isaac Newton was a fool. Mans really thought he did something when an apple fell on his head,” tweeted Candace Owens. “Let’s set this straight: mathematicians, scientists and Democrats represent the absolute vermin of our society. All hail President Trump.”

Rudy Giuliani has also adopted the system, coming to Trump’s defense after news outlets and politicians were quick to criticize.

“Trump is an honorable American and worked his way up from a one million dollar, sorry, zero dollar loan from his father. He could stand in the middle of 538th Avenue and shoot somebody and he’d still win the election,” announced Giuliani at a press conference located in the same parking lot. 

However, Democrats are convinced that Trump’s new system is either the beginning of his reign as a fascist leader or a side effect of his personal cure to COVID-19. Several took to Instagram and posted pictures with the #malarkey to express their opinions.

“Trump could be the next dictator, but he’s probably just going loony from the bleach he injected this morning,” wrote Natacha Rico, Biden supporter. “If we must adopt Trumpematics, then I’d argue that Trump actually paid zero in taxes, prepaRED the graves of those who died from COVID-19 and surpasses 538 million dollars of debt.”